From the towers of hope,
I suffered a dreadful fall,
No one belongs to me,
but now I belong to all.

I turned out quite different,
from what, of myself, I thought,
I thought I was important and worthy,
but now I know I'm naught.

Abandoning all hopes,
and breaking all ties,
is the only hope left,
alas, a luxury, and only for the wise.  ¶ 8:58 PM 7 comments

  Transience Amidst all commotion, my overwhelming emotion, my turmoil,
I need comfort, a tempest to concert, a base to rest,
I look around for help, while pains whelp, and continue to roil,
I seek a shoulder, while I molder, with the pang in my chest,

Some come as respite, to console my plight, those generous souls,
And addict me high, and make me rely, the evanescent guests,
Ephemeral as a bubble, leaving my heart in rubble, they burst,
For me to find, another of the kind, a brand new quest,

A shoulder I need, to pay me some heed, to quench my thirst,
but on whom shall I rely, for all do belie, whom do you suggest ?
for the truth remains, every friend who reigns, in time, complains,
amidst the throes, every friend goes, the pain for me to digest.  ¶ 8:41 PM 4 comments

  Hatred   ¶ 7:46 PM 9 comments

  I love you so And how do I sleep, And all I do is weep, I love you so,
I love you, within, I love you so deep, I love you so,
You gave me so much, only tears I get to keep, only tears that flow,
And how do I sleep, while the drops seep, I love you more.

Breaking, it doesn't break, This knot you tied, Leaving, I can't let go,
Such a love you bore, leaving a poor heart sore, I love you so,
The more I forget you, I remember you more, I know you know,
Then how do I sleep ? This aguish so deep, Oh time, why move so slow ?  ¶ 2:17 AM 29 comments

  Beauty His pen moved so swiftly, so fleetly,
lauding the elegance of her beauty, divine,
it gushed like the wind, with the greatest élan,
elated, mesmerised by the beauty, benign,
beholding the sight of the maker's virtuosity,
rather so, bewitched by the virtuous design,
with her eyes gorgeous as the ocean,
and the shimmering face, a piece of sunshine,
the pen flowed swiftly, to glorify the beaut,
the pen, overwhelmed, failing to opine...

But then the pen, averted its path,
for what motive did the pen resign ?
the filth of her nose, jutted its way out,
rubbed over carelessly, now her face malign,
the face so noisome, grime her face,
the pen so wise, took the chance to refine,
for a revelation he had, the canny pen,
What is this beauty, it must redefine,
so said the pen, in a bold heady tone,
What is this beauty, Oh, What do you call fine ?
Filth is all it is, bandaged by this skin,
What is this beauty, that you refer thine ?
For bones, tissue, filth, and stench along,
Is all that bases this beauteous design.  ¶ 10:07 PM 41 comments

  All's Ailing I would love to complain, but,
What would I achieve by railing,

I would sadden for I'm sickly, but,
I cry to see everyone's ailing,

How shall I get across,
When none of the boats are sailing,

I worked to stand victorious,
Yet I always ended up trailing,

What, Oh what shall I come to try,
When every success ends up failing,

How to console my teary eyes,
When even the air arround me is wailing,

I hope and wait, but it is the same air,
The air I exhale and thats what I'm inhaling,

These cravings shall not cease to devour,
Still, I would not cease their tailing,

I am a fool, I am an illiterate,
And it's illiteracy thats prevailing,

Oh, Salute to you oh life,
Of what newnesses you keep unveiling...

  ¶ 9:48 PM 17 comments

  Lust Lust is pink. Bright pink. It is mighty. Mightily ardent. I don't have to state it, it is felt by all.

A feeling, a desire, innate, with its main purpose to fuel the process of birth and to continue with life. There is a certain type of spider, which after mating is eaten up by the female, yet it feels, allow me to say, the lust, the desire, the lecherousness. The is designed to be so, but the problem occurs when it gets out of control, when it does not reside in its bounds.

Writing about such matters, they say, is obscene. For the very mention of it excites the aesthetically pleasing emotion. Thus it has always been avoided. And that too, it being written by a girl, is indicative of too much. But I implore to ask, why is it, that on the mention of ego, it does aggravate the bitter emotion ? Why on the mention of greed, would one want to apprehend it completely ? Then why the partiallity with lust ? Just because it is mightier ?

Yes, dear. It is the mightiest of all vices, if you all me to call it one. For I define a source of pain as vice. Lust is the leader of all frailties. Infact one tends to quest for means of fulfillment of other desires to inturn satisfy lust. If the previous statement seems dodgy, forget it. But I would expect one to understand in abstract terms, the unsaid. And let me say, it is, maybe, better left unsaid.

Doesn't it always happen, that you realise you got nothing after getting what you craved the most ? Please give me yes for an answer. Lust exaggerates. It overstates the pleasure it would give and leads us more and more towards wretchedness. Atleast I feel so. It makes us do so much, without even letting us know how futile everything is. And we fall into the pit.

The society has kept the limits. Human interaction has set the limits and we are supposed to stay in them. But the world is changing, the west influences you see. It is internally gratifying to see that, but the conscious mind defies it. Whatever be the case, it is most essential to not let your mind rule you. Not let a desire take the best of you and let it be under your hand. But lust is atrocious, for the pain it inflicts is intense, the pain of an unsatiated desire. It will always remain. It should. A law of nature. But it should, in the limits.

Lust is bright pink. So tempting, strongly tempting, like sweet poison.

  ¶ 11:09 PM 15 comments

  Contentment Contentment is blue. Sky blue. It is peaceful like the open blue sky but do not consider it to be dormant. Contentment is vibrant but free from turmoil. Free from the turmoil of the desire. Free from the affliction of the imperiling pursuits of matter and pride. Free from the torment and the restlessness caused by the craving. It is free and open like the open blue sky.

The mind is a very complicated instrument, if I can call it that. A human is something, a 100 times more complex than the complexity of a 100,000 asimos put into one. No, this number is still small. Whatever be the number, the mind is like a cylinder with a sieve at the bottom. It wants. And it keeps wanting. So we keep demanding and keep achieveing and keep giving the mind what we think it wants. But what we get, is small in size, it passes through the sieve, the mind still be empty, hungry and desirous, desires for more. We desire more, for we 'hope' that one day we shall satisfy it. Imagine putting flour into a cylinderical vessel with holes at the bottom. We put in a lot of flour very quickly and the vessel seems full, satisfied for a while. We find ourselves happy for a while.. But the flour starts to escape. It starts to fall and we begin to starve again. Crave again for the fulfilment. Unfortunately, the life is such a play, where we cannot always keep putting flour. But we still want to obtain those small moments of consummation, always. Not knowing, that it will fill again just to be empty when the flour falls off.

I am a fan! I am a bewildered. Astonished. Is there a greater word ? I am in awe when I see how everything is fashioned. How subtle it is. How elusive is that which exists yet so intimate. Realize the amicability of life when it tries to teach us the way and realize one's folly when we fail to larn that the flour falls off.

The vessel of the mind needs something concrete and not the slithery flour to attain satisfaction. Something that will not sieve out. 'The hunger to want more' will never ever give you what you want. It will never give you anything except a feeling of incompleteness and restlessness. For the flour will fall off.

The mind fails to understand the state of abscence of desire for it is the desire that exaggerates the sense of pleasure that would be achieved by its fulfilment, but it is only after you obtain something, you know how worthless it was. But one does not stop here. We feel that this did not serve the purpose, maybe reaching to something else would. But the flour always falls off.

Contentment. It is different. Different from what we have ever experienced. It is the absence of the thirst for more. It is like having that full-state always. It is like having everything. Contentment is having all wishes granted which is absolutely the same as having none. Rather, having none is better because then the infinite loop of things does not start in the first place, so there's no flour here. There's something bigger. And the size would not matter because it fills you up to the brim. And a content mind, is a satisfied mind for it has given up the flour that always falls off.

If someone would say, it is difficult to love an ideal person, I would humbly tell them that the grapes are sour because... because they know why. For an ideal human is content. And if he/she has experienced contentment, there's a lot to be awestruck about them and there's a lot to love.

Contentment is so gratifying. It is bliss. Bliss in sky blue. Alas, cannot be estimated by the discontent mind for the flour always falls off.  ¶ 9:46 PM 30 comments

  Relations A Relation is not an emotion,
Mistily, it is yet an emotion,
It is never, transparent fully,
Mistily, it is yet a motleyed notion.

We have different relations with the people around us. Not to mention it is a fundamental need. At some age parents are most essential and at some age friends and a point arrives when a partner cannot be dispensed with. And later in life, kids and support and all the obvious relations that exist.

But every relation is finite and limited. For everyone want their own happiness from others and nothing else. Every relation built and mantained is for one's own pleasure or need, now or later. Kids are cute and adorable because they are so innocent and sinless. But apart from that, why do the parents 'love' their kids ? Isn't their an expecation hidden, that the child shall support us in our days of feebleness. I do not belittle this attitude, but I can also not neglect it. Why do we make friends ? For others ? Or for our own company and socializing... It is all a give-and-take. One may scorn such views as disparaging but it is the very basis of our kinship. Why do we cry when someone dies ? Is it for them ? It is for our own selves.

Talking of relations, sometimes I feel that the teacher-student relation has been much hypersanctified. Everybody works for money and recognition and that is for themselves. They claim students are not interested in studying or gaining knowledge rather passing away with minimal work. But think, why would someone gain knowledge ? For money and recognition... What else ? So why the grading of interests...

Not the forget the much exaggerated and fancied lover relationship. Unconditional love is much different from what we see or hear around us. It is too rare to be experienced rather seen even, by everyone. But the crimson red emotion has its own wonders. Love. True when there is no expectation left and no desire except existance.

Octagon. 8 points. I have been mercilessly tagged by dear Pradyot I have to write 8 points about the person who could qualify to be my lover or maybe vice-versa. In any case, this.. is.. a.. tough.. one.

Love should be unconditional- I think that wraps up the whole thing at once and envelopes all the following things.
! - Care
Love and care are brothers you see.
@- Compassion
One who can love, is most compassionate. He can never inflict pain to others for personal interests and cannot be without empathy
#- Understanding
The understand of oneself and the other, One's own needs and the other's, One's own expectations and the others, One's own limit and the other's is a key point for any healthy relationship.
$- Humility
Oh how bitter this ego is. Oh how bitter it is.
%- Inspiration
My love should for always be a source of inspiration for me to revere and respect.
^- Calmness
A serene sense of thought and patient activity make a man.
&- Contentment
A content mind is the home of well-being.
*- Sense of Humor
Someone who is able to understand my sense of humor and who can make me laugh is a must.

Have I made it too ideal to be ?
P.S. The colors haven't finished. :D  ¶ 1:02 PM 27 comments

  Awe Awe is golden. Precious it is. Precious like the golden gold and yet its invaluableness can only by experienced by experiencing it.

Awe is wonder. Awe is when you wonder how. How has this been done ? How has this been established ? And when this 'How' has no answer, you accept the doer to be better than you. Then the desire to emulate is born. Awe takes birth when we look far away beyond knowledge and discover that there lies a whole world ahead us of which we experience yet a very small part. Awe takes birth when we look deep within ourselves and find that there lies a potential yet to be stirred up and of which we use yet a very small part. While the awe for what lies beyond gives us extended sight, the awe for what lies within gives us extended insight.

Pride can shield awe and so can ignorance. Pride and ignorance are son and mother. Sometimes what we encounter is so great that we consider it to be lowly, served by our ignorance. Sometimes what we encounter is grand but in order to not-accept it, we ignore it, served by our pride.

But being awed is a something unimaginable. Firstly, there's a sense of our incapabilty to achieve what we see has been achieved. Secondly, the hope that rises up to reach that state. In some subtle manner, these things rouse us and make us appreciate honestly. The quest born out of awe is selfless, not clouded by the shadows of personal interests, or concealed motives. The mind follows the object of awe, and dwells upon it inspired by awe alone, delving deeper and soaring higher at the same time. It is this selfless quest that gives birth to the art of the artist, the insight of the scientist, the faith of the worshipper, the thought of the philosopher, the inspiration of the warrior, the triumph of the conqueror, the innovation of the inventor, and beauty in the eyes of the beholder.


The biggest source of awe is the creation we are a part of. We take things for granted. Like flowing waters or radiant fires, millions of colors or millions of tastes. Countless states of existance and countless emotions we incur. Be awed watching our inside and being awed again watching what we have outside. Again I say, we take things for granted and say "Ah! This is simply evolution!". But thats just a superficial way of looking at it. Somethings we find very obvious have hidden behind them millions of details and awesome patterns which make them work. Awe is born when we look up and discover a way of nature for the first time, though it had always existed, quiet and passive for our eyes, and yet playing its part, like the millions of stars that twinkle there, whether we watch them or not. That moment of realization inspires the soul, that observance of the beauty is a moment of rarity, and stays with us forever as a source of faith in the world.

The admiration that is yielded starts some subtle vibration in the mind. I don't know about others, atleast I feel so. I feel that vibration going from my head to the toe. Some kind of a mysterious soothing sensation that runs down with immense pleasure when some amount of admiration bears in me. And to inspire more awe, the awesome feeling born out of this awe is awing in itself. Awe is what we feel on finding a common thread binding the seemingly obscure and intermingled ways of nature, when the light of simplicity finds its way through the dark dungeons of doubt and confusion. This is a moment of ecstasy, it surpasses all joys of worldly contentment, and propels us into a quest for the unknown.

These moments of awe, have the power to, and have in the past changed the course of the journey of mankind through time. The moments of awe are ephemeral, and yet the effect is eternal. These moments let us break away from the mundane path of material success and motivate us to embark upon the extraordinary path of real accomplishment. The paths require courage and endurance, and are glorious not just at the end, but throughout the course, unlike the nature of ordinary material success.

Awe is precious and much more than gold. But it is, yes dear, golden.  ¶ 2:52 PM 18 comments

  Ego Ego is grey. Grey in its darker forms. It is like cement. Like a huge mass of dry cement stuck on the floor of our mind. Obstructing our ways and hurting us everytime we pass through.

Ego is demanding. It demands that each and everything in the existance, salutes us rather worships us for then they cannot refuse to whatever we say and achieve complete freedom. Egoistic behaviour is simply making a fool of ourselves for ego is the son of ignorance.

Ego speaks. It says ""I" am the best. What are you ? You are nothing". It says I am better than you. It says I am luckier than you. It says I can think better than you.

Ego, If one sees closely, has got only two chairs to sit. Luck and knowledge. I am better-looking than you. I am richer than you. I am from a better background than you. I am from a better place than you. I am stronger than you. Mostly, Ego of luck; I am more intelligent than you. I can do this better than you. I can get more marks than you. I am a better poet than you. I have the power to do this and you dont. I am more experienced than you. Mostly, Ego of knowledge. In most cases a mixture of luck and knowledge incites in us a feel of superiority over the other. Ego can also sit on modesty. Some try to show how humble they are. But that humility is hypocritical.

Killing ego, I admit, is hardfought. I am amazed to see when I see that the most destitute of people possess in them this feeling of superiority. I do not criticize anyone for that for I am in the same phase myself.

Ego and self-respect. Where is the line to be drawn ? This question has confused a lot many. Ego bothers what others think and wants others to think better of myself though I may not be so. Self-respect is what one thinks of oneself. Self respect is a feeling in which you choose to be free and are able to fight whoever causes a hinderance in your freedom and way of thought forcefully. Ego and self-respect are different domains.

Argument. Arguments are seldom useful. After an argument, neither I change my way of thinking, neither you do. It is just that our egos grow. And then ego restricts our knowledge. It prohibits us to learn more. It tells us "you know it all.. you have no need to learn!". Virtues are like a fountain. They go up with some pressure but the gravity of ego pulls them back. Flattery, in this world, shall not cease to exist. Dishonest praise about oneself causes one to believe that one's better than one actually is and we start considering others inferior.

Ego sees no relation. It sees no mother, no father, no friend, no brother. It sees only 'I'. It causes anger and false happiness. Ego is like sweet poison and the false happiness is like the sweet in it but all it is capable of giving us... is pain.

The remedy lies in, again, the removal of ego's dad, Ignorance. When we realize how small and insignificant we are from the bottom of our heart, we start realizing how wrong we were with ego. We start understanding how much pain ego had caused us. Ego is so intelligent, it pangs us and doesn't even let us know who did it.

Ego does not let one remove his ego. It is so rigid. If one considers the thought, of truth being, that we are so insignificant, ego quickly voids that and pushes our mind to wander in some other direction. It is so rigid.
It is as rigid as a huge mass of cement. It is really grey, in its darker shades.

And ya, it takes a big enough ego to spot if someone else has a big one.  ¶ 4:17 PM 36 comments

  Pain Pain. Pain is blue. Dark blue. Don't be amused about how I keep assigning colors to emotions out of the blue. It is just perception and could differ. To get a feel of the color, I just sit silently, close my eyes and get a lot of the mentioned emotion into me and the color I tend to see is the color I associate. Pain, should not be confused with bodily pain here. It is simple old suffering. The bad feeling we all have when something that shouldn't have happened according to us, happens, may it be physical or mental.
Pain is dark blue. No wonder they came up with a term called 'blues' for distress and depression. It is that undesirable feeling that enters us when something against our wants comes into being. The definition and intensity of pain is individualist. Some one else might suffer less pain or more pain under exactly the same circumstances. Some have the ability to handle it. But then, the end effect, the total pain we actually feel after substracting the handling ability is called pain.
Pain exists; All our life we ride upon waves of pain and pleasure. But pain overwhelms the effect of these small delights. One can be very optimistic and say Life is happy or one can be realistic and say Life is pain. So what is the generator of pain ? It is birth. Our whole life is encompassed between the two events, birth and death. And the in-betweens are pain and pain for you cannot mention one moment of your life when you had no pain at all. Recall just one moment when you had no pain, when you had no worries, when you had no desires, when you had no regrets. Recall just one moment of complete pleasure. And even if you can, forgive me, for I cannot. And even if you can, I doubt it though, is the pain you've always faced worth those moments. If you say yes, don't read further and just neglect me as another bee in the hive.
A reason for pain exists; The nature always comes in, doesn't it ? We are a part of it and we have a duty to understand how things work because until we don't we keep disturbing the balance of things around us. That, is called ignorance. Wow! It fits so well! As ignorance is the only cause for pain. Ignorance of reality. Ignorance of the principles of life. Ignorance of the way of nature. Ignorance of our self. Difficult to digest ? Try a hajmola.
A mehthod to dispense pain exists; So, one might ask, how does this ignorance leave us ? What a beautiful system nature has. The answer, pain. Pain is just like an alarm that rings when we do wrong. When we become incongruent to the system around us, it will tell us to mend our ways by using the tring-tring called pain, so why dislike it ? It is just for the better. For our better. But we ignoramuses, lack patience and keep swearing pain. If you see someone very profound and deep, know that he has suffered equal amount of pain to learn what he knows now. For pain gives us knowledge on how to work. Pain makes us think. And see the wonder of it all. The more profound someone is, the more worried and aware one is. The more aware and conscious one is, the more he is in pain. -More pain more awareness- makes a loop. But don't ask me where it ends, please. It is correct that ignorance is bliss, but only until it does not begin to pain which it surely will!
A state of no pain exists; I beg to sound a little otherworldy of common perception it does exist. A Stoical state. When there's no pain and no pleasure. Bliss. Difficult to digest again ? Hajmola rules.
Pain, I say again,trying to seem true,Is blue, its really dark blue.  ¶ 10:09 AM 27 comments

  Hope Hope is white. White for it forms the very basis of our existance. It is what leads us like a ray of light in a dark tunnel. Well, too cliched.

Someone someplace sometime said, that if there's so much of distress, so much of pain, so much suffering, how does a human live ? Why does everyone crave for survival may it be in the worst of the circumstances. Everyone wants to live in this painful and afflictive world. That someone gives the answer too and the answer is Hope.

Today was bad, but I hope tomorrow will be good. If only I can solve this problem, my life will become smooth and happy. 'It will become better' is call of Hope. Hope, I confess, is not absolutely white but has a tint of dark in it too.I'd rather say blots of dark, because hope gives us way but it is hope that misleads us. Lets call it false hope.

False hope and false expectations conclude with abominable irony, trying to teach us, but our stubbornness can let us do anything but be taught. Hoping of something that just cannot happen is false hope. There are some rules nature has made for us and we cannot change them and even hoping to change them is slumber per se. Ignorance is bliss until the final result arrives then there's only one thing left and its called Regret. Life can never been smooth. Ups and downs shall come with the breaths and thinking that my life shall sort out soon, is only ignorance hence false hope.

Every human at one stage needs a partner, it is most inherent in us to demand for one and accepting it is no crime. So as every human 'needs' a partner hope needs a partner called 'awareness'. Awareness is the bleaching agent we could say. For when complete awareness is farmed then the hope points to the right direction. But one could ask, what is awareness.

Awareness. We are the part of something much bigger than us, stronger than us. Lets call it nature. Nature is everything we see and all that exists. Oh gosh! Come to realise that we're not free! We have our limits and bounds. Realising those bounds, those confines and realising the correct reality we see around us is called Awareness. Awareness is shiny white!

With the superior mixture of hope and correct awareness, I try to direct my life. Hence realising,Hope is white with blots and Awareness is shiny white, the bleaching agent.

  ¶ 2:08 PM 23 comments

  Anger Anger is black. That is what they signify as the color of the blind. But I wonder if the blind can see even the color black. The blind can't see. Not digressing, Anger is black as it that is color which looms our mental vision, our thought process, our so called 'intellect'. Anger is black and blind. Anger sees no mother, no brother, no father, no friend. Anger sees only oneself. Anger is.. an epidemic.

Anger has its causes. The desires of the mind are numerous and any assistance to the fulfilment of those leads to attachment and any inhibition, leads to anger. One who helps in satisfying your ego or your greed or your lust is beneficiary of your liking and one who hinders or hurts it is showered upon by anger. As simple as it gets.

Anger is highly potent. It is so highly powerful, as it enters the mind, it dispels all that one has learnt, all that one has studied, all that one has ever experienced about virtue. It lets no compassion or mercy or rationality enter, making a fool of the mind thus enjoying the mind's slumber. Making one sadistic, the sadistic anger savors the tempered state and enjoys its while.

Fear is the killer of anger. Anger is always expressed on the weak or one who feel is weaker than us. For the fear of the strong drives anger away. You could only 'bestow' your anger on a person who you know cannot harm you or is not going to know about it to harm you.. In other words, Anger is ego's brother. Being angry at someone, showing that you're a very short-tempered person gives a sadistic pleasure as the other one fears. He feels insecure and thats when we feel secure.

Fear is the killer of anger but humility is the solution, the medicine for the epidemic. Anger is black, because thats the color is poses on our vision. And I, hate it. I hate being angry but it does come and it does not fail to do its job. Lack of humility, I suppose.  ¶ 3:22 PM 12 comments

  Love Love is red. It is red and it is beautiful. Love is rememberance, deep rememberance, sole rememberance. Love is peaceful, calmly peaceful, extremely peaceful and yet so undulating. Love is soothing, soothing to the heart, mind, soul, body. It is pleasing, pleasurably pleasing.

The minds blossoms. In love, everything blossoms. To the diseased everything is seen as diseased and the ecstatic finds only ecstacy around. In love, the mind blossoms forth making us realize the true potential of our emotions. In love you only see love and boy is that lovely! Love gushes from the mind into the body and the body blossoms too! To be in love is so tasty. It is like a hunger-striker eating after days, that first bite, which is so tasty... That is like love. Like a thirsty drinking his first drop after days. Like that bitter sweet feeling of the rolling tear.

Love is our inner need and love is our innate creed. Everyone needs love as much as the other and love is what drives this world. Ask those who are in love, the real meaning. Rare but not non-existant, true love, changes one's life. It changes the way of thought. It changes the appearence. The couples seen lurking are pretentious like the movie stuff.. Go ask the real lovers what love means and they will tell you how warm, how ardent, how fervid it is. Perhaps they wont, because they cannot explain that in words. A million words in the dictionary shall fail to express what the heart feels. The heart can only feel and not speak. The mind speaks and the heart can only enjoy. The food of the heart is love and do not deprive it.

Love is red and it is beautiful. But taste it, you can only.  ¶ 1:35 AM 28 comments

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